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Archive for December, 2004

Bill Gates and Steve Balmer behind bars

Delhi, 20 December 2004

By a staff reporter

According to information by our sources here, Bill Gates, chairman of Microsoft and Steve Balmer, Chief Executive Officer of Microsoft, were arrested today, by the Delhi Police in the MMS case.

Both, Bill Gates and Steve Balmer were deported from Redmond, USA, by the Delhi Police and were brought to India with regards to the pornographic MMS that was shot and circulated by a 17 year old DPS student here.

Both of them have been booked under Section 67 of the Indian Information and Technology Act for helping in the distribution of pornographic material.

Close sources revealed that the operating system used by the DPS student was Windows Xp which is developed and sold by Microsoft.

In addition to this, the browser used by the student for uploading the clip was Internet Explorer and also, Baazee.com on which the clip was sold is hosted on Windows 2003 servers …

Due to all these factors, both, the chairman and CEO of Microsoft are pretty much stuck … and they shall be booked three times under the same act.

This could mean a jail sentence of anywhere from 7 to 14 years in a minimum security prison …

Later in the day, both the CEO and chairman were moved to the Tihar Jail and will be moved tomorrow to Jail number 3, where small time criminals and pickpockets are kept.

They shall there, give company to the CEO of baazee.com on whose site, the clip was being sold …

The hearing is scheduled for tomorrow in this matter.

Meanwhile, Bill Gates is planning to sue the country for a gazillion dollars … which will result in India going bankrupt … but who cares ?

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This is just too funny …

I mean … you cannot criticize or abuse the Delhi Police … you just have to laugh ..They have done it this time … I mean there is no substitute for being stupid …

I mean, what are these people thinking ?

How can you arrest a CEO of the company … that too a website … in this matter ?

Isn’t everything automated ?

Do you expect Bajaj, to sit everyday in his office and go through all the stuff that is being sold on Bazee ?

Or for any staff for that matter ?

It is absurd … and I have no more to say …

Just that the Indians have done it this time …

I know, that Bazzee is a pretty crappy site … a lot of illegal and pirated stuff gets sold out there …

But you must atleast give them credit for getting Online Shopping to India !

Its not the best, but atleast its a start …

All this hungama stems from the fact, that the cyber cell divisions have no work in life …

So, whenever some case comes like this, they just spring into action and go all out …

Tomorrow, they will be releasing arrest warrants out for Bill Gates and Steve Balmer because someone wrote a threat email using Outlook Express or on hotmail !

Do you remember the first Cyber Criminal of India ?

He was an 18 year old guy who got booked for pornography for abusing a girl on a forum !

He was a national celebrity … there were shows with his classmates discussing what kind of a boy he was and what not …

Just goes to show … what kind of jokers the government hires !

No wonder the country is going to the dogs…

If I do not write again in another weeks time, please assume that I have been booked for writing this piece …

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All these television channels … are just bastards …

( phew … had to get that out … )

Just caught the last few minutes of the Indian Idol today … on Sony today for the first time …

There has been a recent spurt of all these reality shows on Indian television of late … The Indian Idol, V Super Singer and there is one more … can’t remember …

Anyways, what sickened me beyond belief was how these shows … just to get their TRPs higher, a few more ads in, behave like scavengers … vultures … just flying above people who are gonna die … so that they can rip off the flesh and feed on it … even before he has breathed his last …

The part on which they use people’s emotions … just sickens me …

And I am not even getting started on how the judges … Anu Malik, Farah Khan and Sonu Nigam behave with the participants …

Well … they are meant to do that .. so I wont delve into it …

Here is what I saw …

In this episode of Indian Idol ( I dont know how far it was coz I am not following it ) … 3 finalists had to be chosen for the last round …

So, just to stretch it for one episode more … here is what they do …

All the finalists were decided by what people ( the viewers voted )

Anyways … they had to select 3 out of ( 10 ? )

So, they take each participant and they run them down on their previous day’s / week’s performance and remind them of how those 3 cartoons humiliated them …

Here, they select 4 people … ( I dont know for whatever reason )

And when the last guy has to get selected, they show ads … and these might be the maximum ads I have seen in any TV serial …

And mind you, this was a repeat telecast …

So, finally, they select 4 … they make them sit on 4 chairs … away from the rest of the crowd …

Out of these 4, they send one back again … to select only the top 3 … but wait … before choosing the last one … guess what ? … again hundreds of ads …

And when the hostess ( Mini Mathur ) announces the winner, she goes something like this :

And the third person is … Mr. B … you’re not … but Mr. A …

Imagine what the guy ( Mr. B ) might be going through …

And what was the whole point of getting 4 people on stage when you want to select only 3 ???

More ads ???

Get the participants’ hopes high … then screw them over … then turn them around … and screw them again …

Just sickening …

The other show which I caught a few glimpses of was the V Super Singer …

This is a more subtle show ( on stage atleast ) with Adnan Sami playing the nice guy …

Now, channel V people are the biggest haramis …

They cant afford to compete with the bigger channels … so they come up with their own, cheap, sidey rip offs …

Remember V Dares you ?

In which they made people bathe, strip, and do what not on the streets for a paltry 2 grand …

And this was mimicking Who Dares Wins … which was a far superior show … no comparisons can be made whatsoever …

Anyways, getting back to the Channel V thingy …

Of the stage, they take the cameras around all the frustrated participants, who have come from all over India … probably, sitting on the floor of trains coz they might have not got reservations … and probably who have not eaten for hours …

They go … and finger them … and when they revolt, and abuse … they catch it on camera and use it as an advertisement propaganda …

Sick bastards …

Then, there was this big thing about the Ambani brothers …

It was blown out of proportions …

Now, no news which we see is without hype … but this was just mind boggling …

Every news channel was screaming with the fight between the brothers …

I mean … whats your problem ?

There are fights in all the families … even if it was Reliance … they should just lay off …

My respect for Anil Ambani rose … when he decided to just keep quiet … than giving the media more to chew on …

Mukesh Ambani was an idiot by comparison …

Anyways … Zee News … handled this entire thing in the most uncultured and gauche manner …

It was like Laloo’s Bihar compared to other states … metaphorically speaking …

They were covering news … in which 8 brothers and sisters get married together in some village and they were comparing this to the entire Reliance episode …

No words …

Except just goes to show … how these people are like vultures … nothing else …

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